In the future we'll all be gay
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
