Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
