Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
