Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
