What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
