now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
