i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
