If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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