Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
