The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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