I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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