id be glad to
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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