You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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