drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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