i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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