The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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