I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
