I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
