i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
