my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
