He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
