and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
