So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
