I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
