Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you would pick up someone in the library
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
