So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My vagina is officially offended.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
