Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
