id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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