so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
