I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
