Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
