guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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