omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
