This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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