I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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