Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
