So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
