we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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