I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
