My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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