There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he puts the penis in happiness.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
