I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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