Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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