i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
