FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
