Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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