Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
