I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
