no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
