I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
