wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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