So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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